Killing for a Cause?

Andrew Abah provides insight to a missionary solution to the Contemporary Global Nemesis

It is 1.46am and the thought of why I am here gripped me like the pang of the labour of a woman about to put to bed as  Isaiah 66:7-9  come to  mind immediately: "Before she travailed, she brought forth; Before her pain came, she gave birth to a boy. 8"Who has heard such a thing? Who has seen such things? Can a land be born in one day? Can a nation be brought forth all at once? As soon as Zion travailed, she also brought forth her sons. 9"Shall I bring to the point of birth and not give delivery?" says the LORD. "Or shall I who gives delivery shut the womb?" says your God.…

A mother in agony

In the next two weeks, I am taking time off to pray more than ever and to write as I  travel across North America to plead with the Church to act now before it is too late even as I bring the situation of the gross darkness coming upon the nations, the execution of  genocide on the Nigerian Church, nay the African church, nay the global church to light and the cry of Mordecai to Esther in Esther 4:13-14  …13Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, "Do not imagine that you in the king's palace can escape any more than all the Jews. 14"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?"

Isaiah had long prophesied in Isaiah 62: 1-3 thus: "Arise, shine; for your light has come, And the glory of the LORD has risen upon you. 2"For behold, darkness will cover the earth And deep darkness the peoples; But the LORD will rise upon you And His glory will appear upon you. 3"Nations will come to your light, And kings to the brightness of your rising.….  He was not explicit on the deep or gross darkness will cover the earth and the implication which the Psalmist had hinted in Psalm 74:20: Pay attention to your covenant, for the dark regions of the earth are full of violence.

Other words used for 'full of violence'  in other versions include cruelties, violence, wickedness. We don't need any prophetic telescope to know that this passage is fulfilling very fast globally. First it was the villages of Africa as we dared the dens darkness where the church long ignored.  Witches and wizards are busy feasting on lives like vulture feasting on abandoned corpses. The story of young school girl by name Faith my team and I met in the jungle forest of Aiona still makes me weep. The innocent girl was coming from school and mistakenly touched an object referred to as charm. The story of her life changed for horror! Her hand began to swell and produced pus. The hand was punctured and pus coming out has already filled a big bucket . The hospital could not helped matter as they could only recommend amputation. The poor parent refused that option and the girl was left to go about now with her bone out, stinking and in agony. Apparently, the object of the charm must be rejoicing as she watch this little girl die slowly. What a height of wickedness! We can repeat stories of many of such horrors in many of the villages we confronts that are left to the Prince of darkness not only in Africa but all over the world.

Far away in South America comes the story of a very young medical doctor who just graduated from the University. He was full of hope and had just got  a job. The family were happy rejoicing that their labour over their son has paid off. Some young boys met him on the street of Brazil with an Iphone and felt the only way they could rob him of his iphone was to kill him and so they did! The law freed the boys on the ground that they were underage. What a horror!

Former beauty Queen gunned down

As I write this, I remember the story of  a former Miss Venezuela,  Mónica Spear: killed by armed robbers. Mrs. Spear - a 29-year-old was once a South Florida resident. She was gunned down along with her ex-husband while vacationing in the South American nation. The former Miss Venezuela who lived in Orlando and retains close ties to the area, was gunned down along with her ex-husband while vacationing in the South American country. Spear and her ex-husband, Henry Berry, 39 died in an attempted robbery on the highway between Puerto Cabello and Valencia in central Venezuela.

Spear, who graduated from the University of Central Florida in 2004 with a bachelor of arts in theatre, was also a well-known soap-opera actress. Her father's words: "It is the deepest pain, the deepest pain. It is unbelievable. This is a great loss for us. She was very charismatic, a very good daughter, a very good mother, and she loved Venezuela." Spear's 5-year-old daughter, Maya, survived the attack with a bullet wound in her leg and had to go through surgery.

In an indirect apparent way of encouraging these crimes, legislative changes have led to partial decriminalization of possession of Marijuana for personal use in countries like Brazil. Prison sentences no longer applied and were replaced by educational measures and community services. Uruguay's historic decision to legalize the sale and use of marijuana have gingered other countries that were reconsidering long-held convictions about keeping the drug illegal.

Argentina's counter-narcotics chief, Juan Carlos Molina, basically admitted in a radio interview that the national government is considering walking away from the war on pot. "Argentina deserves a good discussion of this," he said, mentioning decriminalization specifically. Mexico, where marijuana is already decriminalized, is also on the way to lowering penalties for weed. Mexico City's city council is considering legalizing possession of up to three marijuana plants and allowing co-operative grow clubs.

Chile's Socialist President Michelle Bachelet is considering relaxing marijuana's classification as a hard drug (adults can already consume drugs privately in Chile with no penalties), while Ecuador is debating relaxing penalties for marijuana possession.

The result of all these is even countries that missions researchers have classified as Christian nations are today enveloped in gross darkness. The greatest war however is the global Jihadist movement. The number of lives cut down prematurely is unquantifiable. They carry out their activities in various names. Sometimes they bear Fulani Marauders, other times they bear Jamāʻat Ahl as-Sunnah lid-daʻwa wal-Jihād)—better known by its Hausa name Boko Haram (pronounced [bōːkòː hàrâm], "Western education is sinful") ^-is an Islamic jihadist and takfiri militant and terrorist organization based in the northeast of Nigeria, north Cameroon and Niger.

Founded by Mohammed Yusuf in 2002, the organisation seeks to establish a "pure" Islamic state ruled by sharia law, putting a stop to what it deems "Westernization". The group is known for attacking Christians and government targets, bombing churches, attacking schools and police stations, kidnapping western tourists, but has also assassinated members of the Islamic establishment that are sympathetic to Christians. Violence linked to the Boko Haram insurgency has resulted in an estimated 10,000 deaths between 2002 and 2013. The number seems to have multiplied in 2014.

Every morning for a week the news has been dominated by the South Korean ferry tragedy. The terrible grief of the parents, the shocking response of the crew to the unfolding disaster, and the inexorably rising body count. Two days before the South Korean students boarded their ferry for a study trip to the nearby island of Jeju, Muslim Jihadists broke into a girls' school in Chibok, in the remote state of Borno, in north-eastern Nigeria. They shot guards and abducted about 200 students, who were loaded into trucks and, it seems, taken off into the forest. Two groups of the girls, perhaps 30 in all, managed to escape. The rest have simply disappeared.

The latest bombing by the group was in Abuja, on the same day the girls were abducted, in which at least 70 people died. Nigeria's president, Goodluck Jonathan, was soon on the scene. The first appearance of the Borno state governor in Chibok came eight days after the attack. The fate of the Nigerian girls, who had been recalled to class in order to sit a physics exam, when all the other schools in the area were closed by security fears, has not been entirely ignored by the world's media. In my recent article titled: The DARKEST Easter Ever in Nigeria, I made a passionate outburst for prayers for these girls. The excerpts:

Another in deep tears

'As I take time to read news on the over 100 girls captured by the Jihadists and being rendered sex-slave without any visible effort to rescue them by the Federal government, I wept. As I read through political propaganda that they have been released only to be refuted by the parents and the Principal of the girls' school that it was LIE, I wept the more. As I scant through the names of the captured girls and discovered they are mainly Christians, I CRIED! as I preached yesterday appealing for prayers from my congregation, I could not conceal my emotion. One of the parents was quoted by the governor as saying: “I preferred seeing my daughter’s corpse than the trauma of having her abducted''. 

I also stayed up late night waiting for the giant America or UK or France to respond by coming to help us rescue the girls with their military might but they only simply condemned the Jihadists. That to me is very disappointing! The Christian Association of Nigeria, should have also come out more strongly but sound very silent except for the two days fast declared. Is there nothing more that can be done?

Also reading through the pages of newspapers, I weep for Nigeria as the response to the happening portray how heartless and reckless the politicians who plans to rule us are. I expect that first as fathers, they should shield politics and be sympathetic but that is not to be...If these folks come to power, what we see now might be a child's play compare to what is to come. I really weep for Nigeria. Oh Lord arise and show us mercy! 

Even the Muslim Governor admitted in his Easter message that he had witnessed very dark days of insurgency inherited by his administration, none of the attacks have been more troubling for him as much as the last one week that young girls from his state were abducted by suspected Boko Haram gunmen and confined to a forest.

Shettima said:”I have seen very serious moments since I became the Governor of Borno State in 2011 at a period of insurgent crisis. I have seen many innocent lives lost for no reason and I mourn every life lost with empathy and high sense of responsibility. But the last one week have been my worst days as a governor and even the worst in my life. I am troubled as a father, as a leader and as a politician.

“First, as a father, any time my young daughter comes around me in the last one week at the Government House,my heart beats very fast,my heart becomes so heavy and I develop serious headache because when I look into the eyes of my young daughter,I wonder how the parents of these our students feel when faced with the harsh reality that their loving daughters are either in the hands of abductors in fear and desperation for freedom or wondering somewhere looking for safety while parents do not know the status of their children.

“But as a father to a girl child, I know exactly what is currently troubling the minds of parents and relations who are yet to see their children,I am deeply pained and I very much share the agonies of parents. More than everyone,as the leader, on whose area of governance, this unfortunate incident took place, I am very anxious to have our daughters freed because I know very well that the most important obligation of any government be it at the federal, state or local levels is to ensure the safety and welfare of its good citizens. Every good citizen deserves safety as a fundamental human need and right under a democratic system of governance. As a leader and politician, I am also troubled that I have not had the important opportunity to meet the anguished parents of these girls in Chibok because I have,on a number of instances, been advised to hold back the trip in order not to interrupt security operations as well as search and rescue efforts which are our topmost priority,especially now. I am very much aware that Chibok is one of our communities with high population of our Christian parents,brothers and sisters. It is therefore, easy for unpatriotic and divisive elements to make issues out of the delayed visit for whatever motive that will be unhelpful.''

Family of abducted girls

Oh Church ARISE! We need to go to God together and cry for the healing of our nation. We need to pray for the urgent rescue of these innocent girls. We need to pray for the few remnant in the far North of Nigeria who have no other place to go and are being consistently wiped out. Nigeria is our country. Running away makes us refugees in other man's land. Let us collectively cry to God. If a tree be cut down, it can live again. He can still heal our land. Arise oh Compatriot!  I cry for my fatherland. The wall of security is broken down, the gate is burnt off ~ worse than the days of Nehemiah. Oh Lord Arise!

Syrian Christians

It looks like another major world war is in the pipeline. How it works out is not yet clear but it may be along religious line. Events across the world are pointers that only God can avert the ongoing Jihadist movements aimed at wiping away from the phase of the earth. 

Another silent cruelty going on is that Christians in the military are being wiped out due to alleged collaboration between the Jihadists and the Muslim soldiers. The pain of a Christian army Colonel killed in the North East of Nigeria few weeks ago still lingers in my mind. Again, my team and I were in the village of Ankpa-Owukpa, Benue State preaching to his people when the news of his death came. He was the only child of his mother. The old woman wept profusely and uncontrollably.

Reading the newspapers in Nigeria makes one weep and the agony intensifies by the day. Even when scores and sometimes hundreds of Christless Muslims were killed like the ones in Zamfara and Borno States in the Mosque, it gives no Christian any joy as it only swells hell. 

In Central African Republic, it was widely reported that the Chadian armies who were supposedly there to keep peace joined forces with the Jihadists and wiped out many Christian at a time!

The Turkish military is actively assisting foreign-backed Sunni Islamic militants who are routing Christian Armenians from the northwestern Syrian town of Kassab, Syrian and Lebanese sources told WND, an online newspaper. The Armenians are being forced to seek refuge in the Syrian city of Latakia.

While there have been numerous reports of Islamic militant groups such as the al-Qaida-affiliated Jabhat al-Nusra and the ISIS attacking Syrian Christians, the attack on Armenian Christians in Syria by Turkey has brought back memories of the Ottoman Turk attacks on Christian Armenians. The Turkish attacks beginning in 1915 and lasting until 1923 killed more 1.5 million people and has been regarded by many experts as genocide.

As a result, many hundreds of thousands of Armenians fled to neighboring Syria and Lebanon to seek refuge and reestablish Armenian communities. In addition to some 120,000 Armenian Christians, the government of embattled Shiite-Alawite President Bashar al-Assad has been protecting Christian Syriacs, Marionites and Eastern Orthodox believers.

Beginning last March 21, Sunni rebels have expelled some 5,000 Armenian Christians from their historic town, violently attacking the residents and desecrating their churches. Sources say the al-Qaida-affiliated terrorists then occupied the town’s abandoned homes and businesses. The Armenian refugees fled some 35 miles, mostly on foot, to Latakia, a Syrian Army stronghold. There also is a sizeable Christian population in Latakia. The Turkish government of Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan has denied any involvement in aiding al-Nusra militants, even though Erdogan, who also is Sunni, has allowed the Syrian opposition and al-Nusra militants to use his country as a base from which to launch military operations, hold meetings and store supplies.

Sources told WND that Turkish military personnel manning the border between Turkey and Syria allowed the foreign Islamic militants to pass without interference. The stunning story of three Christians martyred by Muslims in Turkey, and what one widow said after she lost her husband, in “Malatya.” The sources also report that al-Nusra fighters have taken control of the Kassab border crossing into Turkey.

According to Syrian Information Minister Omran al-Zoubi, the Turkish government is facilitating the infiltration of foreign militants into Kassab. He said such assistance violates international resolutions, since it constitutes involvement in terrorism. Armenian Foreign Minister Edward Nalbandian also expressed concern about the fate of the Christian Armenians in Kassab. “About 120,000 ethnic Armenians live in Syria – in Kassab and other areas,” he said. “Military actions and the humanitarian situation have forced ethnic Armenians to leave the city.” Lebanese sources told WND that given the Sunni attacks on the Christian Armenians in Syria, it is possible that the Iranian-backed Shiite group Hezbollah will intervene to protect them and get back Kassab.

Pointing to the threat from al-Nusra, whose members increasingly are descending on Lebanon, sources say that the Armenian Christians have asked Hezbollah for protection in the country. The Armenian Christians are a relatively small minority group in Lebanon but have sided with most of the other Lebanese Christians to seek Hezbollah’s protection.

In addition, Lebanese sources say that the Armenians in Lebanon are training a small militia which they have organized to protect against attacks from the Sunni al-Nusra group. In 2000, the Lebanese parliament voted to recognize the turn-of-the-century Turkish killing of Armenians as genocide. It is the only Arab country and one of the few countries in the world that has done so.

The pain of seeing innocent children, helpless women and aged men slaughtered like chickens and sometimes pregnant women sliced so their unborn babies can be brought out as torn into pieces is no doubt excruciating. The natural response is to hate, mobilise and fight back.

Why these atrocities, wickedness, callousness, violence and cruelties? Could they be killing for a cause?  What on earth can stop all these?

A  look at  history generates some concern. It looks like anytime, the Church did not reach out with the Gospel to the nations, they come killing the Church. It is no coincidence that those waging war against the church today are mainly unreached people. The Kanuris,  Hausas, Fulanis & Arabs for example with a population of over 5million people has less than 1% Christians each.  Niger Republic from where they find easy recruits have less than 1% Christian also. As far as eternity is concern, there is gross darkness over these people. The cruelties they remain subjected to as a result of these darkness over the centuries are sufficient cause to strike at the church.

The church must continue to pray. We have God's word on our side that if we ask of the Lord the heathen, He will surrender it to us for an inheritance. If we don't, we dare not ask: why do the heathen rage? The Message Bible (Psalm 2:8)  simplify it thus:

 Let me tell you what God said next.
He said, “You’re my son,
And today is your birthday.
What do you want? Name it:
Nations as a present? continents as a prize?
You can command them all to dance for you,
Or throw them out with tomorrow’s trash.”

How often we misdirect our prayers, seeking for mundane things when the heathen awaits our inheritance. John Knox prayed: Give me Scotland or I die. God gave Him Scotland. Can we begin to focus on the nations.

The cry of the nations (Jeremiah 8:20): "The harvest is past, the summer has ended, and we are not saved." Their situation is desperate.

The second recommendation is to go beyond praying to loving them and reaching them with the light of the gospel. This is not time to hate them. It is no doubt difficult and absolutely unnatural to love the unlovable but Christ taught us to do so. Romans 5:8 says But God commanded his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Jesus taugh in Matthew 4:43-44: "You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.' "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you''.   

The Jihadists

The first century Christians faced terrible persecution both from the state and the religious orders but Roman eventually became Christianized.  The greatest love we can show to these people is to take the gospel of Christ to them. Only the light can dispel darkness. If they are born again, they become our brothers and sisters. It will be difficult for them to contemplate killing us.  The few of them that are already saved are relating well. Reaching them must be conscious effort. it will require praying for the God of harvest to raise labourers that will focus on them. It will require the church deploying financial resources to those endangering their lives to reach them.

Finally, all these must be handled with every sense of urgency. Doors are shutting up very fast on many nations. There is certainly no doubt that it is more difficult to access closed doors than doors that are wide open even though both have adversaries assigned to resist the gospel. Remember Apostle Paul's words: For a great door and effectual is opened unto me, and there are many adversaries. (1 Corinthian 16:9). Once upon a time, it was easy for Christian from the West Africa sub-region to enter Mauritania because they were part of the regional group, ECOWAS but with their withdrawal, that door is closed up now. It is easier for the camel's head to enter into the eye of a needle than to access that nation now. Most of the war-torn terrorist tribal groups have become incredibly dangerous to access. 

Only concern about enforcing gay right in Nigeria

Missionaries have been killed and many others withdrew for their lives. Before now, we could freely mingle with them, live among them and share the love of Jesus with them. That door is virtually close now. Jesus once said: I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work. (John 9:4) Sometimes, not just death but night of opportunities come.

Besides, all the happening are not far from the signs of the end times and His soon return. When the trumpet sounds, the work of missions for those that will be rapture will be over for eternity. Whatever we don't do for the Lord to rescue these nations cannot be done again. May the thought that we are pilgrims in this world encourage our heart. May His promise to build His church which the gate of hell cannot prevail against spur us to do more for Him knowing that we are on the winning side! Maranatha!

They killed for a cause and only the church, not politicians or world power can avert the cause.

Kidnapping in the USA Plus the Story of God's Intervention

You may think Kidnapping and abduction is an African phenomenon! That is far from the truth. It happens here in the United State of America too. Just before my arrival here,  a 9-year-old boy. Willie Myrick was kidnapped from his Atlanta driveway.

The unexpected followed! Myrick said he continued to sing the gospel song "Every Praise" by Hezekiah Walker until the kidnapper grew tired of cursing and telling him to shut up. He eventually threw him out of the vehicle.  Willie 's might have saved his life by singing a gospel song.

According to police, the kidnapper dropped him off unharmed after driving him around for hours.

Inspired by the boy's story, Grammy-Award winning artist Walker visited Myrick at Mt. Carmel Baptist Church last week.

Should We Give Up Sharing the Gospel With Muslims?

Is sharing the Gospel with Muslims a lost cause? Julyan Lidstone with Operation Mobilization admits there are many challenges. But in the Middle East, God’s Kingdom is growing because Muslims are hearing the Gospel.

“Muslim fundamentalism has been on the rise for the last 30, 40 years,” says Lidstone. “That means there is a rise in persecution. And in some areas, there’s a rise in martyrdom and a lot of difficulty.”

Islam is the primary religion in 35 of the 50 countries on the Open Doors World Watch List, a compilation of the world’s worst persecutors of Christians. The Middle East holds 7 of the top 10 countries.

“In that area, which of course is suffering a lot because of the civil war in Syria,..the Lord is using that to open hearts and turn people toward Himself,” Lidstone shares. “More is happening inside of Syria than we’ve ever seen before.”

There are reports of new house churches in northern Syria, Lidstone adds, and churches in Lebanon and Jordan are reaching out to Muslim refugees as never before.

“God is working in an unprecedented way, so we are hopeful that we are going to see the kind of breakthroughs that we have never seen before,” the OM missionary says.

“In Azerbaijan, there are now thousands and thousands of Muslims who have come to faith in Jesus.”

However, that spiritual harvest hasn’t always been the case in Azerbaijan. When Lidstone and his wife began serving as OM missionaries in the country 24 years ago, there was no outreach to the Azerbaijani ethnic Muslim population.

“These dear Russian saints said to me, ‘No, we don’t do that because it’s a waste of time,’” says Lidstone.

In response, Lidstone shared a modern-day parable with the church leaders.

“Imagine a farmer [who] had two fields. One field had been cultivated and was fertile, and when you sowed in it you got an immediate harvest. The other field had been ignored, was full of rocks and thistles, and if you sowed any seed in that field, you wouldn’t get any result,” Lidstone explains.

“What would the farmer do? Would he just ignore the one field and focus on the other? No!”

Lidstone continued: “That farmer would get out into the barren, infertile, uncultivated field [and] roll his sleeves up, lift those boulders, pull the thistles out, fertilize the ground, so that he could get a harvest out of that field as well.”

There are many ways one can join OM’s work in the Muslim world: pray, give and go.

“As the saints pray more, we see God work more,” said Lidstone. “Please pray that God would give us boldness. One of the spiritual characteristics of Islam as a religion is that it wants to dominate and it wants to intimidate.”

“Pray for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit in dreams and visions and miracles,” Lidstone requested. “That’s one of the reasons we believe we’re coming to a tipping point, because we see more dreams and we hear more stories of healings than ever before.”

---

This article originally appeared on mnnonline.org.

The Volume 41 of God's Heartbeat.

The Volume 41 of God's Heartbeat is due. You can check your news stand for a copy or check back to download e-copy soon.

MEN AND WOMEN CHRISTIANS MUST NOT MARRY

The former editor of Charisma Magazine, J. Lee Grady recently did two articles on Christian Home. Both went viral. More than 1.2Million have shared the message as at last count. They were titled: ''10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry”  and '8 Women Christian Men Should Never Marry'. This is apparently because so many single men and women are seriously asking for guidelines on finding a compatible mate.  if you are praying for God to bless you with a spouse, you may run through the list and use them as a mirror to know if you are marriageable or not. We are sharing this trusting that it will be a blessing to someone else.

No matter how desperate a God-fearing Christian  woman is to marry, she  must stay away from the following men:

1. The unbeliever. Please write 2 Corinthians 6:14 on a Post-it note and tack it on your computer at work. It says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (NASB). This is not an outdated religious rule. It is the Word of God for you today.

Don’t allow a man’s charm, looks or financial success (or his willingness to go to church with you) push you to compromise what you know is right. “Missionary dating” is never a wise strategy. If the guy is not a born-again Christian, scratch him off your list. He’s not right for you. I’ve yet to meet a Christian woman who didn’t regret marrying an unbeliever.

2. The liar. If you discover that the man you are dating has lied to you about his past or that he’s always covering his tracks to hide his secrets from you, run for the nearest exit. Marriage must be built on a foundation of trust. If he can’t be truthful, break up now before he bamboozles you with an even bigger deception.

3. The playboy. I wish I could say that if you meet a nice guy at church, you can assume he’s living in sexual purity. But that’s not the case today. I’ve heard horror stories about single guys who serve on the worship team on Sunday but act like Casanovas during the week. If you marry a guy who was sleeping around before your wedding, you can be sure he will be sleeping around after your wedding.

4. The deadbeat. There are many solid Christian men who experienced marital failure years ago. Since their divorce, they have experienced the Holy Spirit’s restoration, and now they want to remarry. Second marriages can be very happy. But if you find out that the man you are dating hasn’t been caring for his children from a previous marriage, you have just exposed a fatal flaw. Any man who will not pay for his past mistakes or support children from a previous marriage is not going to treat you responsibly.

5. The addict. Churchgoing men who have addictions to alcohol or drugs have learned to hide their problems—but you don’t want to wait until your honeymoon to find out that he’s a boozer. Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction. Insist that he get professional help and walk away. And don’t get into a codependent relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober. You can’t fix him.

6. The bum. I have a female friend who realized after she married her boyfriend that he had no plans to find steady work. He had devised a great strategy: He stayed home all day and played video games while his professional wife worked and paid all the bills. The apostle Paul told the Thessalonians, “If anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either” (2 Thess. 3:10). The same rule applies here: If a man is not willing to work, he doesn’t deserve to marry you.

7. The narcissist. I sincerely hope you can find a guy who is handsome. But be careful: If your boyfriend spends six hours a day at the gym and regularly posts closeups of his biceps on Facebook, you have a problem. Do not fall for a self-absorbed guy. He might be cute, but a man who is infatuated with his appearance and his own needs will never be able to love you sacrificially, like Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). The man who is always looking at himself in the mirror will never notice you.

8. The abuser. Men with abusive tendencies can’t control their anger when it boils over. If the guy you are dating has a tendency to fly off the handle, either at you or others, don’t be tempted to rationalize his behavior. He has a problem, and if you marry him you will have to navigate his minefield every day to avoid triggering another outburst. Angry men hurt women—verbally and sometimes physically. Find a man who is gentle.

9. The man-child. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m suspicious of a guy who still lives with his parents at age 35. If his mother is still doing his cooking, cleaning and ironing at that age, you can be sure he’s stuck in an emotional time warp. You are asking for trouble if you think you can be a wife to a guy who hasn’t grown up. Back away and, as a friend, encourage him to find a mentor who can help him mature.

10. The control freak. Some Christian guys today believe marriage is about male superiority. They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that can morph into spiritual abuse. First Peter 3:7 commands husbands to treat their wives as equals. If the man you are dating talks down to you, makes demeaning comments about women or seems to squelch your spiritual gifts, back away now. He is on a power trip. Women who marry religious control freaks often end up in a nightmare of depression.

If you are a woman of God, don’t sell your spiritual birthright by marrying a guy who doesn’t deserve you. Your smartest decision in life is to wait for a man who is sold out to Jesus.

Also, no matter how desperate a God-fearing Christian  man is to marry, she  must stay away from the following women:

1. The unbeliever. In last week’s column, I reminded women that the Bible is absolutely clear on this point: Christians should not marry unbelievers. Second Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (NASB). Apart from your decision to follow Christ, marriage is the single most important decision you will ever make. Don’t blow it by ignoring the obvious. You need a wife who loves Jesus more than she loves you. Put spiritual maturity at the top of your list of qualities you want in a wife.

2. The material girl. One young friend of mine was engaged to a girl from a rich family. He saved up money for months to buy a ring, but when he proposed she told him he needed to go back to the jewelry store to buy a bigger diamond. She pushed her fiance to go into debt for a ring that fit her expectations. She wanted a Tiffany’s lifestyle on his Wal-Mart budget. I warned my friend that he was stepping into serious trouble. Unless you want to live in debt for the rest of your life, do not marry a girl who has dollar signs in her eyes and eight credit cards in her Gucci purse.

3. The diva. Some macho guys like to throw their weight around and pretend they are superior to women. Divas are the female version of this nightmare. They think the world revolves around them, and they don’t think twice about hurting somebody else to prove their point. Their words are harsh and their finger-snapping demands are unreasonable. Some of these women might end up in leadership positions at church, but don’t be fooled by their super-spiritual talk. Real leaders are humble. If you don’t see Christlike humility in the woman you are dating, back away from her and keep looking.

4. The Delilah. Remember Samson? He was anointed by God with superhuman strength, but he lost his power when a seductive woman figured out his secret and gave her man the world’s most famous haircut. Like Delilah, a woman who hasn’t yielded her sexuality to God will blind you with her charms, break your heart and snip your anointing off. If the “Christian” woman you met at church dresses provocatively, flirts with other guys, posts sexually inappropriate comments on Facebook or tells you she’s OK with sex before marriage, get out of that relationship before she traps you.

5. The contentious woman. A young man told me recently that he dated a girl who had serious resentment in her heart because of past hurts. “Before I would propose, I told my fiancee she had to deal with this,” he explained. “It would have been a deal-breaker, but there was a powerful breakthrough and now we are engaged.” This guy realized that unresolved bitterness can ruin a marriage. Proverbs 21:9 says, “It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” If the woman you are dating is seething with anger and unforgiveness, your life together will be ruined by arguing, door-slamming and endless drama. Insist that she get prayer and counseling.

6. The controller. Marriage is a 50/50 partnership, and the only way it works is when both husband and wife practice mutual submission according to Ephesians 5:21. Just as some guys think they can run a marriage like a dictatorship, some women try to manipulate decisions to get their way. This is why premarital counseling is so important! You don’t want to wait until you’ve been married for two weeks to find out that your wife doesn’t trust you and wants to call all the shots.

7. The mama’s girl. It’s normal for a new wife to call her mom regularly for advice and support. It is not normal for her to talk to her mother five times a day about every detail of her marriage, including her sex life. That’s weird. Yet I have counseled guys whose wives allowed their mothers (or fathers) total control of their marriages. Genesis 2:24 says a man is to leave his parents and cleave to his wife. Parents should stay in the background of their children’s marriages. If your girlfriend hasn’t cut the apron strings, proceed with caution.

8. The addict. So many people in the church today have not been properly discipled. Many still struggle with various types of addictions—to alcohol, illegal drugs, prescription medicines or pornography—either because we don’t confront these sins from the pulpit or we don’t offer enough compassionate support to strugglers. Jesus can completely set a person free from these habits, but you don’t want to wait until you’re married to find out your wife isn’t sober. You may still be called to be married, but it is not wise to tie the knot until your girlfriend faces her issues head-on.

Your best rule to follow in choosing a wife is found in Proverbs 31:30: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Look past the outward qualities that the world says are important, and look at the heart.